“Kids are like sponges—they’ll just pick up languages naturally!”
If you’re raising bilingual children, you’ve probably heard this well-intentioned but oversimplified statement more times than you can count. As Katharine Cannings, author of Fluent Families: A Roadmap to Your Bilingual Home, explains in my recent podcast, there’s much more to raising bilingual children than simply exposing them to multiple languages and hoping for the best. In her book, Katharine provides practical strategies, family stories, and hands-on activities to help parents design a language-rich environment at home—regardless of their starting point.
With 18 years of experience running FunBox English and raising her own bilingual children in Madrid, Katharine has encountered numerous misconceptions about bilingualism. In the book, she explores these myths and contrasts them with the realities of multilingual parenting.
Myth #1: Children absorb languages effortlessly like sponges
Perhaps the most pervasive myth is that children will simply “pick up” languages with minimal effort. Katharine offers a perfect analogy: “You have to put a sponge in the water for it to absorb the water. You can’t just put it next to the water and hope it gets wet.”
Reality: While children do have a neurological advantage in language acquisition compared to adults, they still need substantial, quality input to develop proficiency. Language learning requires immersion, interaction, and consistent exposure. Children need regular opportunities to hear and use the language in meaningful contexts. This means deliberate effort from parents and caregivers to create these linguistic environments.
Myth #2: Mixing languages is a sign of confusion
Many parents worry when their children mix vocabulary or grammar from different languages, fearing they’re becoming confused or developing improperly.
Reality: Katharine explains that language mixing is actually “part of the process” and “shows a very complex understanding of both languages.” When bilingual children insert words from one language into sentences in another, they’re often demonstrating a sophisticated knowledge of both languages while compensating for vocabulary gaps. This code-switching is a normal and even creative aspect of bilingual development.
Far from indicating confusion, it shows children are actively working with the linguistic resources available to them—often knowing exactly which language they’re pulling from and why.
Myth #3: Being bilingual means speaking both languages equally well
There’s a common assumption that “true” bilingualism means perfect, equal fluency in all aspects of both languages.
Reality: As Katharine points out, “People often think being bilingual means speaking both languages exactly equally, but in reality, that’s very rarely the case.” Most bilingual individuals have strengths and weaknesses across their languages depending on context and use. They might be more comfortable discussing work in one language but emotions in another, or have stronger reading skills in one language but better conversational fluency in another.
This asymmetry is entirely normal. Language dominance often shifts throughout life depending on environment, education, and daily use patterns.
Myth #4: There’s one “right method” for raising bilingual children
Many parents stress about choosing the perfect approach to bilingual parenting, whether it’s “one parent, one language” or another structured method.
Reality: Katharine’s experience with her own children demonstrates the value of flexibility. With her first child, she initially spoke only English at home, providing lots of English media and books despite living in Spanish-speaking Madrid. With their second child, they relaxed this approach considerably—yet achieved similar bilingual outcomes.
“There’s no one right method and there is no one right way of being bilingual,” Katharine emphasizes. Her book Fluent Families includes a variety of adaptable tools—like sample weekly routines, conversation prompts, and habit trackers—that support each family’s evolving language journey. What works depends on your family’s specific circumstances, languages, resources, and goals. The approach may also need to change as children grow and family situations change. This is why activities and exercises like the ones included in the book are so valuable, providing a personalised roadmap for each family.
Myth #5: Bilingualism is just about language learning
Many view raising bilingual children as simply a linguistic endeavor or academic advantage.
Reality: “It’s not just academic,” Katharine explains. Bilingualism encompasses emotional connections, cultural identity, family relationships, and a sense of heritage. When children learn a language connected to their family history or cultural background, they’re gaining more than vocabulary and grammar—they’re connecting with their roots and developing a fuller sense of identity.
This emotional dimension explains why Katharine emphasizes reading children’s motives for language learning in her book. Understanding these deeper reasons helps families persist when challenges arise.
Myth #6: Bilingualism is equally valued for all languages
There’s an assumption that all bilingualism receives equal social recognition and support.
Reality: Katharine notes the privilege associated with certain languages: “So many people said to me, ‘Oh, your children are so lucky that they’re bilingual.’ Well, I’m pretty sure that Moroccan families here, whose children speak Arabic or Darija—people don’t say to them, ‘Oh, your children are so lucky.'”
Languages perceived as prestigious or economically valuable (like English) receive more social support and resources than minority languages. Families working with less globally dominant languages often need to be more intentional about creating resources and opportunities for language use.
Creating a Successful Bilingual Environment
Based on Katharine’s insights, here are some key factors for successfully raising bilingual children:
- Connection comes first: Emotional bonds and communication should always take priority over language purity. Speak from the heart in whichever language feels most natural.
- Create meaningful contexts: Children need reasons to use both languages. This might mean finding playgroups, activities, or relationships where the minority language becomes necessary and natural.
- Be flexible but consistent: Adapt your approach as needed, but maintain regular exposure to both languages.
- Consider the whole child: Remember that language learning intersects with identity, emotion, and culture—it’s not just an academic skill.
- Find your support network: Connect with other multilingual families facing similar challenges.
Each of these pillars is developed in more detail in Fluent Families, where Katharine guides parents through building their own personalized bilingual roadmap, complete with worksheets, reflection questions, and family challenges. As Katharine’s book explores, the journey to bilingualism isn’t about perfection—it’s about creating a language plan that works for your unique family situation. By understanding the realities beyond the myths, parents can approach multilingual parenting with greater confidence and fewer unrealistic expectations. Raising bilingual children requires effort, patience, and intentionality. But as Katharine’s experience shows, the rich cultural and communicative rewards make it well worth the journey.
To dive deeper into these strategies and start building your own bilingual roadmap, pick up a copy of Fluent Families: A Roadmap to Your Bilingual Home or visit www.bilingualroadmap.com
